Slipping
by Staceyluvshim
Summary: Clare is coping with the after affects of the lock down, including dealing with the loss of her first love. As time passes Clare starts to see his image around town, impossibly. Is she imagining it? Will she get a chance to make things right? Eli/Clare.
1. Prolouge

_I sat in the passengers seat, holding his right hand as he drove with his left. Neither of us were talking, the only sound coming dully from the radio. The silence wasn't uncomfortable, just relaxed. This was the way it was with each other. Every word or action came naturally. I squeezed his hand, gesturing that I would never want to let go. But without warning I couldn't feel his hand on mine, and his image was slipping away. **He** was slipping away..._

I woke up with a start to the sound of my phone ringing. I rubbed the sleep from my eyes and looked down at the caller ID. The name I wished would appear didn't. "Adam Torres" it read. I silenced my phone, leaving the call unanswered. Looking back at my phone, it read 15 missed calls. All from Adam or Alli I presume. There was no one else that would be calling, no one else whose voice I would hear. Especially not that which belonged to him.

I sat up and looked to my windows, remembering a time when a darkly dressed boy that owned that voice would enter them unexpectedly. The curtains in my bedroom were now pulled together tight, leaving no evidence to the time of day. I kept the curtains this way a lot lately. There was no need to look out onto my ledge, smiling at the emerald eyes behind the glass. There was no need, considering the boy who these eyes belonged to would never appear on my ledge again, or any others for that matter.

I laid back down, staring at my ceiling, weeping and remembering the boy who I loved.

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Hi Degrassi fans. This is my first story :)

It's kinda depressing, but it'll get good. I'm not sure if anyone wants me to continue, but if you do, review. I promise, the other chapters will be longer, this one's if just so that you can get a taste of the story.

Please review, any criticism or advice or anything is appreciated. Thanks for reading :)


	2. State of Shock

"_Clare," he breathed, looking me deep in the eyes. His normally bright, enthused green eyes were watered down, dull. Fitz pulled away the knife, running down the hall, away from his victim. The bright red seeping across his shirt was the same red as his blazer. I wasn't sure what to do, I was in a state of shock. The Degrassi halls looked eerie and unfamiliar in the dark. I screamed, several times. With no response, I remembered my cell phone. I called Alli, with no luck. Adam, answered his phone after a few rings, and through tears, I told him what happened. He told me he would come as soon as he could with help. Waiting, I knelt beside Eli, now on the ground. _

"_This is my fault", I said through sobs. "I shouldn't have gone with Fitz, I shouldve said no." I pulled his blazer more tightly around him, applying pressure to try and stop the bleeding. I cried hard against his shoulder, angry at myself and my poor decisions. Eli pulled my chin up and looked at me. _

_He gave me a pained smirk and said "Its fine Clare, just promise me you won't bring another primitive being to the dance next time?" I smiled slightly at him and said "So I can't bring you?" He chuckled lightly at my attempt to try and make things normal, my try to make it seem like there was no possibility of him not making out of this. "I think I can make an exception to the rule." He grinned, but the pain quickly turned it into a grimace..._

I felt numb starring back at Degrassi, remembering how the red and blue lights flashed off the glass doors that night. I pulled my coat more tightly around me, shivering from more than the cold winter air. I quickened my pace, not once looking back at the school that once brought happy memories, now only bringing sadness. I had somewhere to be, a place that though brought me more pain, could help me cope.

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Hey guys, ooo cliffhanger. :) Another short chapter, I know, but if it were longer it would take away from the plot. As this is the first one, they will get longer as I go on. I'll try to update atleast once a day, maybe more. As you can tell, I'm going to try to start most of the chapters with flashbacks.

Alrighty, thanks for reading. Reveiws are welcome and enjoyed, along with critisizim (sp?). :)

.


	3. Face From My Dreams

Clare's POV

It took about fifteen minutes to walk to my destination. I came here whenever I needed to be alone, just him and I. I reached forward and opened the thick iron gate of the cemetery, cringing as it creek-ed, loudly cutting through the crisp early winter air. I walked the path to a glossy onyx headstone and knelt on the frosty ground. I didn't pray, (I had lost my faith in God after the incident and my parents' divorce) but I talked to him.

"Hi, Eli." I said to the picture on his headstone. "I miss you. Everyday. I'm similar to the living-dead without you. Ha, living dead...get my joke?" I smiled bitterly. I rubbed at my eyes, trying to stop the tears from coming. "I'm trying to forget, to move on with my life and be happy, but I can't. Not without you..."

Without warning, an object fell to the ground beside me. I looked above me, seeing only open sky. I looked to the object. An apple. More specifically, a bitten apple. I heard a low chuckle from behind me and turned around. My eyes widened when I saw that they was no one there. I sighed aloud. _Great Clare, your imagining things now. Not only are you morbidly depressed, but now you're crazy._

I stood up, brushing the frost over my jeans. "Sorry to call this date short Eli, but I promise I'll stay longer tomorrow."

"I'll be sure to take you up on that offer." a low voice breathed in my ear. Startled by the familiarity, I turned around. Again, no one. I pinched my self and rubbed my eyes again. Boy, I must be pretty sleep deprived. I picked up my bag and walked away. After exiting through the entryway, I turned back to close the gate and took one last glimpse into the field. I did a double-take as I saw that the empty graveyard I had just left now had a boy in it.

The boy, or should I say, _guy _was wearing all black. He turned his head to face me and I gasped. Two well-distinguished emerald irises gleamed back at me. The face I saw only in my dreams or photographs was perfectly completed by a smug smirk adorning his lips. He raised his eyebrows, challenging me to approach him. I turned away and ran home, not once looking back.

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"Are you sure what you saw?" Alli asked, incredulously. I sighed, and repeated my morning again to her. All the while I was speaking, she chewed at her bottom lip and looked into space. When I finished, she looked back at me, baffled. "Are you certain you don't want to tell your mom?"

I leaned back on Alli's couch, and groaned. "Yeah, let me just tell my mother. That way, she can force a therapist on me and get me anti-anxiety pills. You know, fix the problem before it starts? They don't want to have to deal with another Darcy." Alli looked at me hesitantly, and continued to bite her lip.

"Maybe a therapist is what you need right now." I stared at her, eyes widened.

"What do you mean?"

"Well, thinking that you just saw your dead boyfriend is never a good thing." she said, chuckling. _Really? She was laughing? _

Alli's POV

The look on Clare's face was of pure hurt. Like I had abandoned her or something. She started to get up from the couch, not meeting my gaze. "W-Wait Clare, that's not what I meant!" She looked back at me, shook her head and ran out of my house, slamming the door shut. _Great job Alli, you just made your best friend even more miserable._

"Alliah, is Clare staying for dinner?" my mother called from the doorway. I groaned and buried my face into a nearby pillow.

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Yay! Second chapter is done. :) Ohh, the lockdown episode is today...anyone excited? I know i am!

Alrighty my lovely readers, read & review please! Anyone who does gets a free kiss from Eli!


	4. Funny In A Sick Kind Of Way

Clare's POV

I was angry. So angry that I stormed out of Alli's house, not bothering to say goodbye. I rode my bike to the same place I had been that morning. I looked through the iron gate in front of me and the field ahead was vacant. I made my way back to the same headstone and looked around. There was no bitten apple, and no Eli. I sat on the ground, confused and frustrated. Maybe I was becoming crazy.

"Eli, I saw you. I know it makes no sense, but I did. Alli thinks I imagined it, and maybe I did. But I just don't know anymore. All I can think about is you, and how my life could have been if you weren't gone. What should I do?" I immediately put my face to my palm. _Wonderful, I'm asking the dead for a response? _

"_You're so cute when you're infuriated._" The voice I knew all too well whispered in my ear. My eyes widened as I looked around me. Nothing. That was it. I literally tried to slap sense into myself, to no avail; I could still feel his breath on my neck. I had to get away, had to try to forget him.

I climbed on my bike and pedaled, not caring where I ended up. I rode my bike, seeing but at the same time not. It was like I was viewing the world through a pair of foggy prescription glasses that were not mine; the sky, the ground, all was distorted and bleak. My anger, my frustration as well as my sadness all clouded any rational thinking I had left. I rode across the street ahead of me, not caring to look for oncoming cars either way.

**BEEP! **A bright green pickup-truck swerved around me, narrowly avoiding hitting me. _Green_. The car's weak shade of green paled against the multi-faceted spectacle I knew Eli's irises to be. Or to have been. My eyes cloudy with tears, I continued across the street, again, nearly colliding with a car. I crashed my bike into the sidewalk in front of me, collapsing on the pavement below. I laid there still as death, for what seemed like an eternity. As I slowly got up, a thought crossed my mind.

It was funny. In a sick, demented, sadistic kind of way. Eli's ex-girlfriend was hit by a car while riding her bike and crossing the street, upset. The same exact thing could have just happened to me if there had been a less careful driver. I narrowly had missed death, only had just missed Eli. But you know what is more sick? I part of me wished I had been hit.

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Short, kind of angsty chapter. Good/bad? You tell me. Thank you everyone for the reveiws, favorites and alerts. :) I love you guyss.

Okay, so what do you want to happen with Eli's situation and Clare? I already know what I'm going to do, but any suggestions are welcome and appreciated. Thanks for reading, reveiw at bottom por favor. If you don't, Fitz will end up being your date to Vegas Night, and nobody wants that. :X


	5. As It All Fades To Black

I can't tell you what it feels like. It's hard to describe. It's like one second, you're there; you can see, hear, smell, all that. But then it all starts to fade. Your vision blurs, and the voices around you become distant. Like eerily distant. Also, you feel anesthetized, but oddly so. '_All that medication_' you think, right? But people don't seem to notice you. At first, you think _'Wow, this hospital has lousy service'_. So you just lay there and roll your eyes, solid but numb.

However when people finally become aware of you, it's scary. They start grabbing at you, pulling paddles out and shocking your body. But you can't feel it. And that's the most terrifying thing. That you **can't feel**. So you open your mouth to tell them, but no words come out. And you start drifting. Not as a whole, but in essence. It's a funny feeling, like pins and needles, but all over your body, all at once.

At this most terrifying moment of your life, you realize that you're dying. You have to lay there, unable to move or speak while the girl you love stands beside you, holding your hand and sobbing. You want to reach up, and kiss her every tear away, smirk at her and make her laugh, but you can't. You want to tell her how much you love her, how much she means to you, but all you can do it lie there and watch. You see your best friend, comforting her, yet crying also. You yearn to go back, fix your mistakes, and live your live the best you can. But there's no going back from here.

As it all fades to black, there is one thing on your mind, _Clare._

_

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_

All of a sudden you're awake again. The thing I most relate it to is the first time you try to swim underwater. While under, you feel as though you're in another world. Your senses are foggy, though your mind is clear. And then that moment you break the waters surface, full of adrenaline and gasping for air_, _everything comes back as if you were never gone.

The difference between that and what really happens is that though everything comes back, you'd prefer that nothing had. It was blissful, that enclosure of numb-ness, and the first thing you feel again when you return is pain. Deep, heart-retching pain. Not physical pain, but emotional. You realize all that was left behind, and though you're back, nothing will ever be the same.

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Hm. Guess who's point of view that was? Winner get's a virtual cookie! :3 (It's pretty obvious but still.)

Alrighty, short chapter before the lockdown tonight, maybe the last time I'll update today but we'll see. :)

Review, my beautiful readers. Any thing you want to see happen? Any questions?


	6. Strange, But Exciting

Hey guys! Sorry I didn't update yesterday. Yeah, I'm lame. :P

So anyways, All Falls Down. Who saw it? Who criesd when Eli almost got stabbed? *raises hand*

AND the promo for the fall! AHH! I seriously can't wait until October.

Anywho, on with the new chapter !

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Real spirits aren't like the kind you see on television. They aren't bulbous, blue and see-through. They can't fly around, and they didn't scream "BOO" obnoxiously every chance they got. What I had now become was something that looked like a human, but was no longer alive. I could touch things without going through them, but I could do the opposite if I wanted to. I could become unseen, but only if I wished it. It was strange, but exciting. But this new life was not full of sunshine and smiles.

Do you know what it feels like to have to walk down the street, standing two feet from your best friend and not being able to talk to him?

Do you know how much it hurts to not be able to not talk to the person you love any longer?

I needed to see her. I knew I couldn't talk to her, but maybe just seeing her would be enough. I would become eccentric if I didn't. I walked down the street and pondered where I might see her. Passing by a fruit cart, I grabbed an apple, hastily willing it to become transparent, not unlike me. After my…er…_transformation_ I could still taste, but the part of apple I bit off turned to dust, dissipating into the air after I "swallowed" it. I obviously no longer needed to eat to exist, but I craved it. I clung onto any shred of humanity I had left, desperately wanting to be what I once was again.

I walked aimlessly for a few minutes, unseen by all, until I heard it. The soft, feminine voice that tore my heart apart whenever I listened to it. Her voice. Contrarily to its usual high and jovial tone, it now sounded distraught, tense, and upset. I looked around, noticing that she was in the field ahead of me. Wrong, not field. **Graveyard.** I passed silently through the iron gate, not needing to open it, and headed over to her side.

Clare was knelt beside a large glossy black headstone. I looked at it and saw my name, my picture. It ached me to see it. She looked distraught, her beautiful blue eyes were red-rimmed and tear filled. I saw one other thing in her eyes. Pain. Sheer primal pain. But even with her hair in a mess, her makeup running, she was beautiful.

"Hi Eli," she said, speaking to the headstone. Hearing her say my name sent chills down to my very core. "I miss you. Everyday. I'm similar to the living-dead without you. Ha, living dead...get my joke?" She smiled, but it didn't reach her eyes. She began to rub them and I started to lean over, forgetting myself, to comfort her.

I abruptly stopped moving towards her, and stupidly dropped the apple I was holding. It landed beside her, invisible no more. _Shit, what would she think? _She looked up at me, _through me_, at the open sky above, biting her lip. I moved back a bit, chuckling at the look on her face, innocently confused, pure Saint Clare.

That's what she looked directly at me, eyes widened, mouth open. She of course did not see me. She sighed, and stood up, clearly bewildered.

"Sorry to call this date short Eli, but I promise I'll stay longer tomorrow." she said, grabbing her bag and preparing to leave.

I couldn't stop what happened next, even if I wanted to. She was directly in front of me and forgetting myself, my condition, I spoke to her.

"I'll be sure to take you up on that offer." I said lowly. She twitched and for the second time that day, looked right at me. She shook her head, clearly seeing nothing. I had to stop this, she must be thinking that shes insane.

I stayed quiet until she reached the iron gate, and opened it. I then became visible again, staring at my headstone. I smirked, thinking what a cool scary movie scene this would make, a dead boy looking at his own headstone. The kind of scary movie I would have watched.

I turned my head back to the gate she had left through, the smirk instantly disappearing off my face. She was still there, looking at me who was now appearing as I did in life. I raised my eyebrows, challenging her to approach me, talk to me. She turned away from me and ran, not once looking back at her seemingly alive, but in truth, **dead** boyfriend.

I sat down on the freshly dug ground under my headstone, my conflicting thoughts colliding with each other until I remembered the one thing all parts of me agreed on. I was in love with Clare Edwards. Thinking of her was the closest thing I now had to dreaming, and so I thought of her until I slipped into a temporary nothingness.

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Thanks for reading! Don't forget to review, they make my day, legitimately. Um...prize for reviewing this chapter? The flat screen t.v they gave out at Vegas Night! :)

Alrighty, love you guys!


	7. Returning

I walked up the set of steps and prepared for the long day ahead of me. After the month-long extended break, I was now returning to Degrassi. I adjusted my uniform, took a deep breath, and opened the door.

To say that Degrassi had changed in the month we were gone would have be an understatement.

Immediately upon entering, a man at the doors asked for my backpack, and had me step through a metal detector. A small team of uniformed people searched my bag thoroughly before handing it back to me. I was then handed back my bag before being sent back on my _merry_ way.

I took my now disheveled bag and walked towards my locker. Alli and Jenna stood there, also uniform-clad and appearing very unhappy.

I no longer hated Jenna, the fact that she was also abandoned by KC brought us together as friends. Though I was still mad at Alli for not believing me, all of my anger fell away when I saw that she was crying.

"Oh my gosh, Alli are you okay?". She explained to me all of the rumors that were flying around, including that she had done..._promiscuous_ things with both Owen and Drew in the boiler room, on the night of the dance. She went on to apologize for her words the last time we had talked. I held up a hand to stop her, and Jenna and I comforted her until the bell rang for class.

A hallway patrolman shuffled us along, threatening detention and other consequences for getting to class late.

Most of the rest of my day went by in a blur. Teachers lectured, but not a word reached my ears. Homework was assigned, but I wrote nothing down. I smiled forcibly to anyone who tried to give their condolences to me about my dead boyfriend.

Not all were sympathetic. Some blamed Eli for the uniforms, the stricter rules. Some even approached me, saying that he deserved to die. This continued until I reached the one class I had been completely dreading, _English._

I took my usual seat, staring blankly at the chalkboard ahead of me.

With no obstacles, no dark hair to cover my line of vision, I could have seen the board perfectly. With no distractions, no boy to lean back in his chair and whisper to me, I could have heard every word Ms. Dawes said. Instead of doing either, I put my head down and placed Eli's noise cancellation headphones over my ears, not caring how many detentions I would receive. By the end of the class, I had fallen asleep.

* * *

I woke up to someone tapping my shoulder. Looking up, I immediately saw Eli. Still half-asleep, I began to smile. Realizing that Eli couldn't be there, I decided that his image was just leftover from my previous sleep. I blinked rapidly until he blurred away, revealing a frowning Adam.

"Come on, Clare. It's time for lunch." he said with a weak smile. He held out his hand and helped me up from my seat. Leaving the room, I looked back at Ms. Dawes. She was standing, frowning at the seat in front of mine. I guess Adam and I weren't the only ones who missed his presence in our class.

We walked down the hall to my locker, him leaning against the locker next to mine as I grabbed my lunch. I stood there and froze, starring at Adam, and at the locker. _Eli's_ locker.

I internally slapped myself; I needed to stop thinking about Eli. I needed to immerse myself into something else completely if I were to ever get over his death. As Adam and I continued down the hall towards the lunchroom, I saw just the person to help me forget.

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Oh, cliffhanger :x Who do you think it is? P.S it's a boy! (There may be a little fling, but don't worry, Clare loves Eli) :P

Thanks for reading, reviewing, and being awesome ! Prize for reviewing is...a brand new set of Degrassi uniforms! *audience boos* ;D

Aha, I'm a geek, :)

~Stacey


	8. Forgetting

I woke up to someone touching my shoulder. I saw pale thin fingers gripping my blazer.

"_Clare,_" I breathed, looking up towards the persons face. I was wrong. Horribly, wrong.

"Clare? You forgot about me that quickly Elijah?" Julia said, a sad smile on her lips. "Come on, get up. You've been hibernating for practically a week now." She held out her hand to help me to my feet.

It couldn't be her. But there she was, Julia, looking just as she had looked in life. Her straight brown hair flowing past her shoulders, her tall thin frame clad in red and black, her favorite colors. _Oh, right. It can be her. You're __**dead**__ Eli, remember? _She had her hands on her hips, frowning at me.

"You wide awake now Sleeping Beauty?" I nodded, unable to speak. "Good, now let's talk about this Clare character. Tell me everything, don't spare me any details." She urged me to speak, and I told her everything; from when I first ran over her glasses, all the way to how I had talked to her in the graveyard. When I had finished talking, I was trembling.

Julia sighed, and looked me straight in the eyes. "You love her." she said. It wasn't a question, merely a statement.

"Yes, I do." I locked eyes with her, passion igniting my own.

"And you know that there is no going back from here?" she said, peered at me through sad eyes. I stared at her, taken aback.

"There has to be, and even if there isn't; I'll keep trying until I no longer can." I gritted my teeth, angry, not at her but at myself. Julia smiled her same sad smile at me.

"That's the same thing I said after I died. That I would come back, for you; for us." She pulled me away from my headstone, beckoning for me to follow her. "Come. There's something that you should see."

I smirked. "Is this the part where you show me where my past errors have now gotten me? I'm sure I've seen this movie, almighty-and-wise ghost of Christmas past." I said, false worship seeping through my every word. She smiled for a moment, but then my smirk quickly faded as her face turned stone cold and she led me from the cemetery.

* * *

_What are you doing?_

**I'm moving on.**

_Do you even like him?_

**Define like.**

_What about Eli?_

I abruptly detached myself from Reese's embrace, frowning at my argumentative thoughts.

"Babe, are you okay?" _Babe. _Yes, out of all sickening pet-names, Reese chose babe. I nodded, smiled weakly, and grabbed his face, pulling it toward mine again. Anything to forget him. Anything to block his image out of my head.

**Eli is **_**dead.**_** He is never coming back. **I had to move on. I was losing it.

As we kissed, I pulled his short brown hair, forgetting the longer, dark brown hair another boy had. I stared into his dull brown eyes, desperately convincing myself that they could ever live up to the vivid emerald spheres I once knew. I kissed him hard, somehow trying to make up for the amount of passion, of desire, of _love_ that these kisses were lacking.

I convinced myself that love, or even lust for that matter, were not needed for a successful relationship; That attraction was something that came with time; That you didn't need to even remotely like someone to date them; That I could live with second best; That maybe, I didn't even deserve that.

And so I kissed this unfamiliar boy who I hardly knew, desperate for God to give me mercy, to let me forget him.

* * *

What I saw before me broke any reserve or grip I had over my anger and sadness.

Clare had found another.

I broke down, seeing that guy's arm around her, seeing them kiss on a picnic table in the park; the same where Clare and I had shared our first kiss.

She looked…happy. _He_ made her happy.

I hated him, I hated me. I hated Julia for showing me this. I jerked away from her touch as she attempted to place a comforting hand on my shoulder.

I sobbed as I had not done since I was young. The fact that there were no wet tears on my face made me sob louder, harder. I was inhuman, unnatural. Not fit to be with Clare. I sat in the middle of the road in front of the park, cars passing through me, but I didn't feel a thing.

I sat there, invisible and forgotten to the world, to the only person that mattered.

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Yeah, I used Reese. He was hardly mentioned in Degrassi which made him a perfect character to make a fake-relationship with, since i could make him however I wanted to.

So what do you think about this chapter? Comments, questions, critiques, grilled chicken recipes? Just leave me a lil old review :)

Prize for reviewing you ask? Adam's limited addition comic book! Yay! :D

Ahaha, love you guys. x3

~Stacey


	9. Nothing As Planned

Hey readers! I lost my memory card that held this chapter, and i know it's been a while, but here you go! Remember to review! :)

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"Look, Eli." She said after countless hours had passed. "You can't just sit in the middle of the road all day, moping like a baby." I glared at her. She was the reason I was miserable. I would've preferred to wake up from my slumber blissfully unaware of anything, still high off my dreams of what used to be.

"Go away Julia" I mumbled.

"Get up, Eli. You look pathetic" she said with a sigh.

"No one can even see me."

"Well, I can; And I'm tired of watching you cry like you're a whiny toddler."

"Leave me alone" I said, not meeting her eyes.

"I'm just trying to help you."

"Yeah, you did such a great job already. Fuck off." I practically spat at her. _Damn, did you really just say that?_

Before I could open my mouth to apologize, she grabbed my chin furiously, looking at me with eyes ablaze.

"You know what? You may think that she loves you. And maybe you're right at the moment. Maybe this boy will be a rebound, and she'll break up with him. But tell me Eli, what after that? Do you really think she'll waste her life, waiting for a dead boy to come back to life? She's smarter than that. So you'll wait until it's her time_, right_? But the funny thing, Eli; the really _hilarious_ thing is that by the time she gets up here, she'll be waiting around for the boy **she** loves to get here. And I hate to break it to you sweetheart, but it won't be you." With every word she said, her anger doubled. Sheer, almost non-existent tears rolled down her face. She turned away, spitting on the ground before her. "Don't waste your afterlife waiting for the living, Eli. When they get here, you'll realize they aren't the people you fell in love with."

She gave me once last knowing glance before she walked away, leaving me for the final time.

* * *

"Clare? Are you even listening?" Alli glared across the lunch table at me. I nodded, keeping a straight face. "Then what was I saying?". I looked at Jenna for clues, but she shrugged, clearly not listening either.

"Um. Clothes?" Alli rolled her eyes at me.

"No. I was talking about Drew. I was wondering if I should get back together with him. Great to know that you care." With that comment, I exploded.

"Alli, I care. You're the one who doesn't care about anyone other than you. You're the one being insensitive; Talking about getting back together with Drew. All you talk about is Drew, who's perfectly alive; My boyfriend is dead and I don't even mention him! Or did you not remember that?" I was loud, there were some people looking as I talked. Alli was shocked. This was not the Clare she knew. Jenna looked impressed that I was actually standing up for myself.

"Clare, you're boyfriend isn't dead. Your _**ex **_dead. And I don't know why you are calling me insensitive and in-caring. You clearly don't care very much because you're already dating Reese, only a little over a month after Eli's death. " Alli threw back at me angrily. With that, I ran from the table, everyone staring. I bolted out the front doors, not caring how much trouble I got into.

I threw sunglasses over my eyes so that no one could tell I was crying. I ran down the sidewalk, looking at nothing but the sidewalk below me, and planning to do so until I could no longer feel.

* * *

I wouldn't let her be right. Her words stung, but only because for a second, I had believed them.

I would prove her wrong.

To start, I needed to feel human. I craved to feel normal. Giving in to my craving, as a girl on a diet would to chocolate, I shed my gossamer appearance and looked real again. I went to the local book store, bought my favorite book, "Juliet, Naked" from the money left in my pocket when I died, and _felt_ real again. I walked down the sidewalk, nose in a book, feeling great. I read as I walked, not paying attention to the world around me.

Abruptly, someone ran into me. I fell onto the ground and my book flew into the air, into incoming traffic. I stood up, brushed the dirt off my pants and looked down, planning to look the person straight in the eyes, planning to tell them off, planning to be the bad-ass I used to be.

Things didn't go the way I planned.

* * *

I ran into someone, and instantly fell. My sunglasses fell off my face, cracking on the sidewalk beside me. I looked up slowly at the person, planning to apologize, but the more I looked up, the more familiar the person looked. Studded black belt, black botton-down, black blazer. I looked further up at their face, seeing the eyes I remembered, hard and defiant, shining with a brilliance that seemed impossible. Eli Goldsworthy in the flesh.

His eyes softened as everything became suddenly black.


	10. Twisted Lullaby

**Hey readers. Yeah, it's been awhile. I started school and I hit a bit of a writer's block but I'm back! :)  
**

**This chapter is a filler, so sorry. :/**

** Sorry for the wait, but here it is.**

* * *

Clare had run into me. If it had been anyone else, I would've gotten angry; but this was Clare. Her big blue eyes were brimming with tears, and she already had mascara streaks running down her face.

She was beautiful.

It confused me as to why she didn't get up immediately after falling. If this were any other time, I would have thought up a smart-ass comment like "Falling for me again, Edwards?" but as I opened my mouth to say it, her eyes shut and she fell back from her slightly upright position, back onto the sidewalk.

Was she hurt? _Dead?_

I felt conflicting emotions as I checked her pulse. _Calm down Goldsworthy, she had only fainted. _I slapped the small part of me that had almost hoped she was dead.

_What now?_ I couldn't take her to the ER; but luckily, she didn't look hurt. So where?

Suddenly, it came to me. No one would move it. No one would be around it this time of day. I patted my pockets quickly, feeling the familiar bump of my key ring.

_Funny how I never thought of what happened to Morty until now._

I picked Clare up and looked around me. Seeing no one looking, I willed us both unseen and walked until I saw a friendly-looking black gleam.

I chuckled aloud. _Well, friendly-looking to me._

_

* * *

_I was floating through darkness, when a song drifted through my ears. It was like a lullaby, but _twisted_. Sweet, yet bitter-sounding at the same time.

Listening carefully, I heard a vaguely familiar voice singing along softly.

_**This is what brought you, this you can keep.**_

_**This is what I brought you, may forget me.**_

_**I promise to depart, just promise one thing:**_

_**Kiss my eyes and lay me to sleep.**_

As the lyrics grew more hoarse, the voice beside me sang deeper, louder.

_**This is what brought you, this you can keep.**_

_**This is what I brought you, may forget me.**_

_**I promise you my heart, just promise to sing:**_

_**Kiss my eyes and lay me to sleep.**_

I opened my eyes, and watched Eli as he sang.

_He looked so real. _His brows were furrowed as he sang the heated lyrics. His hair was disheveled, his chain necklace that he always wore glittered in the sunlight. If this was a dream, it was missing one thing that would've made it perfect.

His eyes were closed. I reached out a hand to touch him, but stopped and thought better.

If this was a dream, I could do _anything._

_**This is what I thought, I thought you need me.**_

_**This is what I thought, so think me naïve.**_

_**I promised you a heart you'd promised to keep.**_

Before he could utter the last repetitive phrase of the song, I captured his lips in my own.

I opened my eyes, seeing an electric frenzy of emotions running through those green eyes of his.

_**Kiss my eyes and lay me to sleep.**_

_**

* * *

**_So what do you think? Like I said, it's a filler chapter, be the next should be…interesting. I already have it planned out, but anyone have any suggestions?

The song in this chapter is Prelude 12/21 by AFI.

Thanks for reading, remember to R&R :)


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